Glossary

10 Types of Racists

10. Free Speech Racist
Comedians like Lisa Lampanelli and Patton Oswalt have defended racist jokes by pointing to the fact that being “politically correct” is the antithesis of comedy. But contrary to popular belief, the right to free speech doesn’t mean saying whatever the hell you want is really the best way to go. According to the First Amendment, American citizens have the right to say most anything without being penalized for it by the government, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be called out for saying something blatantly racially offensive.

Amy Schumer attends the world premiere of "Trainwreck" at Alice Tully Hall on Tuesday, July 14, 2015, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Amy Schumer attends the world premiere of “Trainwreck” at Alice Tully Hall on Tuesday, July 14, 2015, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

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Ann Coulter

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Ted Nugent

9. Fetishizing Racist
Fetishizing Racists are creepily attracted to a particular race based on racial stereotypes. Rather than looking at a potential partner as a human being, they look at him or her as an exotic sexual object. They might obsess over the possibility of having “mixed” looking babies, and they’re liable to say things like, “all Black women are freaks in bed” or, “Asian girls are submissive,” and actually believe it. Ew.

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8. Colorblind Racist
Colorblind Racists believe that saying, “I don’t see color” is a good thing, when what they’re really saying is: “I don’t see color because I don’t have to.” Colorblind Racists have the privilege to ignore the every day realities of racism which don’t affect them directly. Acknowledging our differences isn’t inherently bad — it’s when we let those differences divide us that “seeing color” becomes a problem.

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Facebook photo of Anna Belfiore Delfaus posted on Thank you NYPD page. https://www.facebook.com/Thankyounypd

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7. “Not All White People” Racists
Not All White People Racists are skillfully adept at turning frank conversations about racism into conversations about themselves. Much like the But I Have A Black Friend Racist, they’re quick to remind you that just because slavery happened or segregation was a thing, not all white people are bad. They fail to understand that to call out structural inequalities and institutionalized racism is not blaming all white people ever.

Attorney David R. Houston, Reno, NV., left, enters the Pinellas County Courthouse, St. Petersburg, with Terry Bollea, known as professional wrestler Hulk Hogan, right, before a hearing in the case, Terry Bollea vs. Gawker Media, Thursday, Oct. 1, 2015.  (Scott Keeler/The Tampa Bay Times via AP)

Terry Bollea, known as professional wrestler Hulk Hogan

6. Hipster Racists
Hipster Racists rock Native American headdresses, dream catcher tattoos, and bindis to come off as spiritual or “edgy.” Hipster Racists often say or do blatantly racist things for the sake of “irony,” and think that taking a few African American studies classes at their liberal arts school means they couldn’t possibly ever be racially insensitive. Hipster Racists will often make “aren’t white people just the worst?” jokes, as if they themselves aren’t the worst.

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5. It’s Science! Racists
These racists love to trot out all kinds of statistics, studies, and graphs to justify their backwards beliefs about Black people. It’s Science! Racists were responsible for the three-fifths rule which declared African-Americans only three-fifths human in 1787. Today, scientific racists like Nicholas Wade argue that racial groups are genetically predisposed to certain mental abilities and traits. They might believe that Black people are innately lazy, or Latinos are more likely to be rapists. They will have used the phrase “what about Black on Black crime?” at some point in their lives. They are awful.

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4. Voyeuristic Racists
Voyeuristic Racists will consume and even participate in the cultures of Black people, but will not actually stand in solidarity over issues that negatively affect those cultures. Voyeuristic Racists are able to seamlessly appropriate cultures without experiencing any of the stigma (think Miley Cyrus “introducing” the world to twerking). They’ll wear cornrows one day and an afro the next day, but won’t understand why Black women don’t want them to touch their hair. Voyeuristic Racists are awful because they think that “appreciating” a culture means turning it into a caricature or costume.

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3. “I Did A Semester Abroad In Africa” Racists
Traveling to another continent to do charity work for the needy is great. What isn’t great are the condescending, “This 6 day trip to Africa changed my life” because “they’re so poor but so happy!!” reactions from many a study abroad student. I Did A Semester Abroad In Africa Racists are well-meaning, but clueless. There’s a whole blog dedicated to the concept, and it’s pretty spot-on.

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2. Apologetic Racists
Apologetic Racists are the type to do something blatantly racist, like use the n-word or discriminate against employees for instance, and think that a simple “I’m sorry” will make it all better. That is, of course, assuming they even bother to actually say, “I’m sorry” and not, “I’m sorry that you’re offended.” Much like the Not All White People Racist, Apologetic Racists love to guilt trip and gaslight. They think it’s the responsibility of Black people to educate them and forgive them every time they make a misstep, rather than taking the initiative to do better on their own.

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1. Twitter Racists Who Will Attack Me For This Article
These racists go out of their way to spend hours online harassing and berating people who write articles explaining to them how racist they are. Their favorite phrase is “This article is trash!!!1!!1!!” They usually create Twitter accounts specifically for the purpose of trolling and anonymously using racial slurs. It’s pretty easy to ignore them because nothing they tweet ever makes any sense.

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